Little Tangencies

Here I am, trying to find a good subject to write about. Something deep. Something thoughtful. But you know what, there is nothing I want to write about. I am happy, and when I am happy, my brain is filled with happy thoughts, unicorns and rainbows. Ok maybe not that horrible, but close to.

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You might ask yourself, what the heck happened? Well you probably know that moment when you meet someone and everything just fits. And I don’t mean in a butterflies in the belly kind of situation. But someone who just seems to get you. Someone who keeps you on the toes and challenges you, without straining your nerves.

Thanks to Dakota, my dear sister, I met such a special someone. And we have had the luck to spend our day together. Lots of laughing, agreeing and understanding was going on. And even if we disagreed, we understood the point of view of each other.

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I use to get personal, so I will do that again here. I get easily bored by people. I think it is straining to act as if one is interested in something, just because the other one enjoys it. I get bored by people who don’t have their own mind, style or thoughts. It is so rare to meet someone who has their own opinion and sticks to it. Consequent… even if it means to follow the wrong path to the end. (Not that bad but you get the idea.)

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After lots of chatting yesterday, came more chatting, no “Wham, Bam, thank you Ma’am” but little tangencies, soft smiles and talking. But yes, I think it is the little things, to make a day special, and we spent a part of that special day, on my Sweet Pea, sailing the Blake Sea-Continent, finishing with the Galaxy. It was nothing big, nothing amazing but still.. special.

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Why I had to write this, I don’t know, somethings, just need to be said. So, thank you Thorim, for such a wonderful day and evening. – By the way, doesn’t he looks gorgeous?! ;-D

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Communication or Commu-NO-cation

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For me something weird happened. I don’t know who can relate, but I’ve heard several times, that I would be dominant. One time, someone even asked me directly, if I was a dominatrix. Thought that was hilarious, since I wore a white silk dress, with lace and my hair open. But that wasn’t what I was aiming at.

No, my question is, how get people the impression someone might be ‘dominant’ I will use that word a bit freely, as they did, to keep it easy. Can we say, a person is dominant, just because they are competent or have a certain grade of authority? Can we call a person dominant, just because they are confident and know what they want?

I have always struggled with labelling people like that, maybe one of the reasons why I struggle with people labelling me. From a psychologic point of view, it makes sense to label people, because we need those labels to understand the world, without getting crazy. It is a way our brains use to process information.

No how do I get to my headline? My question is, why so many people avoid so called ‘dominant’ persons. Why are they afraid of them? Do they feel insecure or weak next to them, to us?

Yesterday I had an interesting conversation with a rather new friend of mine, about exactly that subject. He brought up the thesis, that if someone has trouble to talk to people freely in Real Life, they will have the same issues in their Second Life. I was so bold to spin it a bit further and I think, that is gets even worse in SL. But why is that so?

This is me asking you, asking for your opinions and comments. Why are people afraid to talk to someone in Second Life. Dominant or not, why all that fear? One can look as hot as one wants. One sits in the safety of one’s own living room, bed room, or wherever else the PC or Mac is placed.

I do understand, we all take our fears with us, in one way or another. For me I can say, I am afraid of heights, of people in general, of insects and just about everything else one can imagine. But I have those fears irl. In Second Life I love skydiving, absolutely nothing would get me to jump out of a plane, well maybe if it’s crashing, and jumping would save my life… . Since I have my dog I am better with people, because I have to talk to strangers all the time. I love looking at spiders in game, don’t put one for real next to me.

And I don’t consider myself as special, I think I am pretty common. So what is it, making people not talk to others? Laziness? Weird situated shyness? Please fill me in, I am in deadly need of answers! But to end on a high note, without leaving you up high and dry in irons. Now and then, once in a while, I get lucky, and meet someone, who isn’t afraid of talking, and those people, make up for great conversations.

– A “disturbing” look into Xsenia’s thoughts

Ignorance, obscurantism and their fruits…

What can I say, I had lots to do in my real life, so the second life was cut a bit short, and with it all the friends I made there. It is sad, but it happens. What I want to write about today, is as old as the time, but still surprises me, whenever I am confronted with it.

Just to mention some points, people still seem to know nothing about. Persons who play PC-games are all nerds, have no real life, and never see the daylight. Persons who play games like Second Life have no real life, and no real friends…

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I don’t understand those stigmata. Nerds in general are simply people who are great with PCs and who do “nerdy” stuff like playing Pen and Paper games, doing roleplay and all sorts of those things. The Big Bang Theory is a perfect show off for that “stigmata”.

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The second one is the stigmata Second Life. I for once have friends all over the world. I can’t jump on a plane every weekend and fly to Australia to meet one of my dearest friends. Hence, we can use Second Life to get some sort of feeling to be close with each other and to spent our time together. The same goes for my best friend in real life. She lives in Ulm while I live close to Berlin. We have met several times over the years, and we are simply soulmates, we have known it from the first moment, and we managed it through all the easy and rough waters, a relationship can offer.

But with the distance it becomes hard to feel close, and again, Second Life helps with that. Who hasn’t felt lonely, and better, once another avatar hugs yours? Sitting with her at my place, chatting on the couch and snuggling as friends, sweetens up my weekends, since we both have less and less time with our busy real lifes.

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What I am aiming at with this article, is not pointing fingers, but hoping to spread the word, and to educate those, who might not know it yet, or who have troubles to understand. Because just being a nerd, or playing SL, doesn’t mean one has no life… it actually can mean one has a very rich life, with more friends, as time on our hands.

Chocolate and Auctions

Today I want to talk about two totally different and unrelated things, but I can’t help it, because for me they somehow mixed. I got confronted today with land-auctions in Second Life. A close friend of me, wanted to get the abandoned land next to my place, so we can be neighbors again.She informed Linden Labs and LL said thank you and set it up for auction. Since she had a late shift today, I was the one who had to deal with the actual bidding war. My nerves are blank now and totally raw. I was shaking like a leaf and so freaking nervous, that I had troubles to manage my mouse, since these things are online, like eBay. And I HATE eBay and would never use it, if it weren’t for the immediately-buy-button.

After four long hours of sweating, shivering and being a nervous wrack, I managed to get her the land with a super high bid in the last second. So YAY!

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As amazing this moment was, as depressing it is, when you realise with whom you wanna share it, and that this someone doesn’t seem to want to talk with you or to spent time with you. It is a rather dull realisation, when you see, that the one you are dating, the one you haven’t seen in a couple of days, that this one, does rather something else, then to spent his time with you. My solution was chocolate. It is always there for me, and it never lets me wait!

Waiting Time

What is it about time? We feel we have not enough. It goes by slowly or super fast, sometimes it is as if it stands still. Time is a construct we made up, to measure the circles the earth makes around the sun. The weird thing is, that time is endless even though sometimes it is short.

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This week, for me, it was both at the same time. All day long, time was slow, standing still, and when the time came, to meet someone, it was over, and more than ones, before it even begun.

People often say, the anticipation is half the pleasure, but what, if there is no pleasure at all in the end, and everything you get, is anticipation and waiting. In that constellation waiting is probably the worst part. One fills their time with nonsense, to not be just waiting, and also to be able to drop whatever one is doing immediately.

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So what is it with people, who make you wait for them? And I don’t mean to wait for something special to happen, I mean to simply spent time with each other! I think, Coco Chanel was the one who said “Don’t spend time beating on a wall, hoping to transform it into a door. ” And I think, with people who make you wait, it is the same thing.

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For me, it ended in going to bed alone, and now, enjoying my afternoon tea, while I blog for you, and watch a movie with my brother. Because, HE doesn’t makes me wait.

Friends…

Like in every other world, if virtual or real, friends it what makes like worth living. But what do we do without them? We do stuff alone, or just sit at home. For years, that is how my SL was. If my two closest friends weren’t online, I felt alone, bored and usually did nothing, except watching TV shows on the second screen. I can’t say what changed, maybe I did, or situations…

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I decided to go back to the Virtual Coast Guard, of course with Jaspar Recreant, my best friend. That helped to meet new people, whom I hope will become friends with time. One… is on the best way, and i thought you my enjoy the view.

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In virtual worlds, roleplay is essentual, well at least if you ask me, and having so much nice stuff, to do things, should make us want to use it, and not just to show it off.

But also one old friend came back into my life, in a very surprising way. I even got him to join me on my IF, even tho he seems to be afraid of sailing himself.

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Ode To Friendships

They’re the few people who accept silence over conversation
A relationship like this denies silly promises and persuasion
You don’t feel the need to second guess thoughts or measure words
Their love comes in wholes, not halves, not thirds

by  Kayla Rae Pich

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Thank you Bill, for spending all this time with me, and giving me back some hope again.

Wind of Change …

I follow the Moskva
Down to Gorky Park
Listening to the wind of change
An August summer night
Soldiers passing by
Listening to the wind of change

The world is closing in
Did you ever think
That we could be so close, like brothers
The future’s in the air
I can feel it everywhere
Blowing with the wind of change

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Today was a very weird day for me, and..  all I could think of, was this old song of the Scorpions. I got some news today, not quite good, but if they are bad.. I don’t know.. the time will show. But they turned my small world upside down again, once more. I felt most of the day like a small boat, dealing with too much wind, fighting with heeling and almost flipping .. and loosing balance.

To brighten my day, and to finally move her Nikki – a Shields Class Sailboat – Hera came up with the plan to sail the last Rainbow Sails Cruise we both missed out on. It was a welcoming of the new-old Galaxy, finally connecting Sailors Cove South with the Honah Lee – Islands.

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Like Hera I took my Shields Class, and we made a little race of it. That and some training, cuz Hera had to learn how to deal with the boat. She learned fast and I am pretty sure she had a blast. I have to admit I had troubles to keep her balanced, maybe my missing balance effected my sailing skills today…

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In Sailors Cove South we came into the pouring rain, it was gorgeous, it was cold and.. it felt like a wind of change. Maybe it is the fall season catching up with me. I am a summer person, I love heat and sun.. all of it. Getting into this rain… felt like a good-bye.. to the summer, to my old life..

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How can you describe cold panic to someone who doesn’t know real panic? I am asking myself this for a while now. It’s like.. a cold fire.. inside.. eating.. destroying.. and leaving just ashes… and while ashes is nothing.. that’s all you got to carry on.. somehow.. to survive.. to reach your goal.. no matter how simple it might look to anyone else.

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But that’s all about that song again. Wind of Change … for me it’s not just about change, but about the fight.. you have to carry on. It’s living… >>The hardest thing in this world, is to live in it!<< a kind of cheesy quote of the TV-show Buffy, the vampire hunter.

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Tho, I will try to do exactly that.. no matter how hard it seems. And I will carry on doing things I like and love, like this gorgeous boat. I made those textures, I made them.. I still can’t believe it. I am so proud … you can see – I am like cold and hot.. fire and ice… calm and uneasy .. all at the same time. Torn and.. whole.

I hope this wasn’t too disturbing dear reader. I will say Good Night, Good Day, Good Bye.