Tag Archives: thoughts

Chocolate and Auctions

Today I want to talk about two totally different and unrelated things, but I can’t help it, because for me they somehow mixed. I got confronted today with land-auctions in Second Life. A close friend of me, wanted to get the abandoned land next to my place, so we can be neighbors again.She informed Linden Labs and LL said thank you and set it up for auction. Since she had a late shift today, I was the one who had to deal with the actual bidding war. My nerves are blank now and totally raw. I was shaking like a leaf and so freaking nervous, that I had troubles to manage my mouse, since these things are online, like eBay. And I HATE eBay and would never use it, if it weren’t for the immediately-buy-button.

After four long hours of sweating, shivering and being a nervous wrack, I managed to get her the land with a super high bid in the last second. So YAY!


As amazing this moment was, as depressing it is, when you realise with whom you wanna share it, and that this someone doesn’t seem to want to talk with you or to spent time with you. It is a rather dull realisation, when you see, that the one you are dating, the one you haven’t seen in a couple of days, that this one, does rather something else, then to spent his time with you. My solution was chocolate. It is always there for me, and it never lets me wait!

Waiting Time

What is it about time? We feel we have not enough. It goes by slowly or super fast, sometimes it is as if it stands still. Time is a construct we made up, to measure the circles the earth makes around the sun. The weird thing is, that time is endless even though sometimes it is short.


This week, for me, it was both at the same time. All day long, time was slow, standing still, and when the time came, to meet someone, it was over, and more than ones, before it even begun.

People often say, the anticipation is half the pleasure, but what, if there is no pleasure at all in the end, and everything you get, is anticipation and waiting. In that constellation waiting is probably the worst part. One fills their time with nonsense, to not be just waiting, and also to be able to drop whatever one is doing immediately.


So what is it with people, who make you wait for them? And I don’t mean to wait for something special to happen, I mean to simply spent time with each other! I think, Coco Chanel was the one who said “Don’t spend time beating on a wall, hoping to transform it into a door. ” And I think, with people who make you wait, it is the same thing.


For me, it ended in going to bed alone, and now, enjoying my afternoon tea, while I blog for you, and watch a movie with my brother. Because, HE doesn’t makes me wait.


Like in every other world, if virtual or real, friends it what makes like worth living. But what do we do without them? We do stuff alone, or just sit at home. For years, that is how my SL was. If my two closest friends weren’t online, I felt alone, bored and usually did nothing, except watching TV shows on the second screen. I can’t say what changed, maybe I did, or situations…


I decided to go back to the Virtual Coast Guard, of course with Jaspar Recreant, my best friend. That helped to meet new people, whom I hope will become friends with time. One… is on the best way, and i thought you my enjoy the view.


In virtual worlds, roleplay is essentual, well at least if you ask me, and having so much nice stuff, to do things, should make us want to use it, and not just to show it off.

But also one old friend came back into my life, in a very surprising way. I even got him to join me on my IF, even tho he seems to be afraid of sailing himself.


Ode To Friendships

They’re the few people who accept silence over conversation
A relationship like this denies silly promises and persuasion
You don’t feel the need to second guess thoughts or measure words
Their love comes in wholes, not halves, not thirds

by  Kayla Rae Pich


Thank you Bill, for spending all this time with me, and giving me back some hope again.

Wind of Change …

I follow the Moskva
Down to Gorky Park
Listening to the wind of change
An August summer night
Soldiers passing by
Listening to the wind of change

The world is closing in
Did you ever think
That we could be so close, like brothers
The future’s in the air
I can feel it everywhere
Blowing with the wind of change


Today was a very weird day for me, and..  all I could think of, was this old song of the Scorpions. I got some news today, not quite good, but if they are bad.. I don’t know.. the time will show. But they turned my small world upside down again, once more. I felt most of the day like a small boat, dealing with too much wind, fighting with heeling and almost flipping .. and loosing balance.

To brighten my day, and to finally move her Nikki – a Shields Class Sailboat – Hera came up with the plan to sail the last Rainbow Sails Cruise we both missed out on. It was a welcoming of the new-old Galaxy, finally connecting Sailors Cove South with the Honah Lee – Islands.


Like Hera I took my Shields Class, and we made a little race of it. That and some training, cuz Hera had to learn how to deal with the boat. She learned fast and I am pretty sure she had a blast. I have to admit I had troubles to keep her balanced, maybe my missing balance effected my sailing skills today…


In Sailors Cove South we came into the pouring rain, it was gorgeous, it was cold and.. it felt like a wind of change. Maybe it is the fall season catching up with me. I am a summer person, I love heat and sun.. all of it. Getting into this rain… felt like a good-bye.. to the summer, to my old life..


How can you describe cold panic to someone who doesn’t know real panic? I am asking myself this for a while now. It’s like.. a cold fire.. inside.. eating.. destroying.. and leaving just ashes… and while ashes is nothing.. that’s all you got to carry on.. somehow.. to survive.. to reach your goal.. no matter how simple it might look to anyone else.


But that’s all about that song again. Wind of Change … for me it’s not just about change, but about the fight.. you have to carry on. It’s living… >>The hardest thing in this world, is to live in it!<< a kind of cheesy quote of the TV-show Buffy, the vampire hunter.


Tho, I will try to do exactly that.. no matter how hard it seems. And I will carry on doing things I like and love, like this gorgeous boat. I made those textures, I made them.. I still can’t believe it. I am so proud … you can see – I am like cold and hot.. fire and ice… calm and uneasy .. all at the same time. Torn and.. whole.

I hope this wasn’t too disturbing dear reader. I will say Good Night, Good Day, Good Bye.

When is enough really enough?

My posts are usually funny and happy, but this time, it’s no adventure that moves me, but something I try to process for a little while now. So I ask you, when is enough really enough? When should be the moment that you say, I can’t take it any longer? I can’t do this any longer. No, you’ve done enough, or too less?! A close friend told me once:

>>Don’t make someone your priority, if you are just their option!<<

How should courtship work these days? Am I too young with a too old soul? Was I supposed to .. just life 100 years ago? Is it normal, that one half of the male population, just sees your pussy, and the other half, doesn’t even realise you have one? Have I to just swallow, that work always comes first, and I am supposed to feel like an unwanted but needed appointment at the dentist?


Lately I feel ripped apart in two directions. One half of me is all understanding, because work is important, and the other half feels always rejected, even hated for taking the time off of work, taking the focus off of work. My heart is torn, between reality and fiction. Fiction you can read in so many books, fiction you start to believe is the life of your married and loving friends.

Am I supposed to feel alone? To always stand on the outside and press my nose against the window, gazing at something I never will have? Sometimes, just like today, I just want to crawl into my bed, ball up and cry untill my tears run out … but then.. why should I? If they  hurt me, do they deserve that I lose myself in tears?

Tho, when is enough really enough?

I for once think, when I start writing such blog posts. When I feel like crawling into bed, to ball up. When I am starting feel lonely as shit, while I am supposed to be happy with someone.

It may sound weird, but i don’t understand these times. Men and woman seem to be further appart then ever before in the history of our lovely planet. It is, as if the emancipation totally went into the wrong way. We were supposed to be equalls but instead of reaching this goal, we demancipated the men – and now all the woman are wondering where their knight in shining armor is.

Now after writing all these lines, my head starts feeling lighter again, and the chain around my heart, that is leaving me freezing, seems to losen a bit. I .. will stick with hope, to leed me to my destiny.