Rare Occasions

My latest entries have been a bit… heavy on the mind, so I thought, I will pick up something I enjoyed very much during the last week. I would say we all, but I have the sad feeling, what I am going to say now, doesn’t counts for everyone. So I rather say >I< have this special someone, everybody else has no chance against. And I am talking here about my attention. My sister Dakota, is that person for me. If she is online, and has the time, I am all hers, no matter who else is online. She is, has been and always will be my priority number one – sorry boys.

As she is my number one and soulmate, I enjoyed my last week a lot, since she had the time, to spend it with me. We both don’t like to just sit around, well… we do if we got someone to talk about – hehe. But since we like to do some things, we had some nice adventures together.

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Her rezday wasn’t that long ago, so I decided to gift her a horse. But not just some horse, no one of the amazing Bento Waterhorse Riding Horses. (If you don’t have one yet, go and get one!) So we went to the stables, and had a nice long trail ride, all over the Calas Galadhon-Park. You can imagine, two girls like us, we had a lot to talk and laugh about, not to mention, how much we loved that afternoon.

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A few days later, I don’t want to bother you with every detail, we managed to go out sailing. But not just sailing, no! But flying and foiling with the Flying Shadow all across the Blake Sea. I love almost all sailing boats, provided by the great designers living in Dutch Harbour, but the FS is and has been always my absolute favourite. And while I was managing the main sail, the jib, the spinnaker and the daggers, she managed to flawlessly skid from one side to the other, if necessary.

Great outcome, we didn’t keel over once! YAY! Not as if that would happen to me anyhow, but still YAY! Our destination was Sires Isle, where we stopped, and switched to her Bandit IF. We both love it but seriously, it is not just a great boat, but hers, probably the one with the best overall paintjob in Second Life! Or that is me talking, as her sister and probably biggest fan and supporter.

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Someone was playing something nice on the guitar, but when he left, Dakota thought, dang, I want music, so she picked her guitar, and serenaded us, until our time ran out. Probably one of my loveliest afternoons ever. I am still humming ….

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Communication or Commu-NO-cation

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For me something weird happened. I don’t know who can relate, but I’ve heard several times, that I would be dominant. One time, someone even asked me directly, if I was a dominatrix. Thought that was hilarious, since I wore a white silk dress, with lace and my hair open. But that wasn’t what I was aiming at.

No, my question is, how get people the impression someone might be ‘dominant’ I will use that word a bit freely, as they did, to keep it easy. Can we say, a person is dominant, just because they are competent or have a certain grade of authority? Can we call a person dominant, just because they are confident and know what they want?

I have always struggled with labelling people like that, maybe one of the reasons why I struggle with people labelling me. From a psychologic point of view, it makes sense to label people, because we need those labels to understand the world, without getting crazy. It is a way our brains use to process information.

No how do I get to my headline? My question is, why so many people avoid so called ‘dominant’ persons. Why are they afraid of them? Do they feel insecure or weak next to them, to us?

Yesterday I had an interesting conversation with a rather new friend of mine, about exactly that subject. He brought up the thesis, that if someone has trouble to talk to people freely in Real Life, they will have the same issues in their Second Life. I was so bold to spin it a bit further and I think, that is gets even worse in SL. But why is that so?

This is me asking you, asking for your opinions and comments. Why are people afraid to talk to someone in Second Life. Dominant or not, why all that fear? One can look as hot as one wants. One sits in the safety of one’s own living room, bed room, or wherever else the PC or Mac is placed.

I do understand, we all take our fears with us, in one way or another. For me I can say, I am afraid of heights, of people in general, of insects and just about everything else one can imagine. But I have those fears irl. In Second Life I love skydiving, absolutely nothing would get me to jump out of a plane, well maybe if it’s crashing, and jumping would save my life… . Since I have my dog I am better with people, because I have to talk to strangers all the time. I love looking at spiders in game, don’t put one for real next to me.

And I don’t consider myself as special, I think I am pretty common. So what is it, making people not talk to others? Laziness? Weird situated shyness? Please fill me in, I am in deadly need of answers! But to end on a high note, without leaving you up high and dry in irons. Now and then, once in a while, I get lucky, and meet someone, who isn’t afraid of talking, and those people, make up for great conversations.

– A “disturbing” look into Xsenia’s thoughts

Chocolate and Auctions

Today I want to talk about two totally different and unrelated things, but I can’t help it, because for me they somehow mixed. I got confronted today with land-auctions in Second Life. A close friend of me, wanted to get the abandoned land next to my place, so we can be neighbors again.She informed Linden Labs and LL said thank you and set it up for auction. Since she had a late shift today, I was the one who had to deal with the actual bidding war. My nerves are blank now and totally raw. I was shaking like a leaf and so freaking nervous, that I had troubles to manage my mouse, since these things are online, like eBay. And I HATE eBay and would never use it, if it weren’t for the immediately-buy-button.

After four long hours of sweating, shivering and being a nervous wrack, I managed to get her the land with a super high bid in the last second. So YAY!

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As amazing this moment was, as depressing it is, when you realise with whom you wanna share it, and that this someone doesn’t seem to want to talk with you or to spent time with you. It is a rather dull realisation, when you see, that the one you are dating, the one you haven’t seen in a couple of days, that this one, does rather something else, then to spent his time with you. My solution was chocolate. It is always there for me, and it never lets me wait!

Waiting Time

What is it about time? We feel we have not enough. It goes by slowly or super fast, sometimes it is as if it stands still. Time is a construct we made up, to measure the circles the earth makes around the sun. The weird thing is, that time is endless even though sometimes it is short.

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This week, for me, it was both at the same time. All day long, time was slow, standing still, and when the time came, to meet someone, it was over, and more than ones, before it even begun.

People often say, the anticipation is half the pleasure, but what, if there is no pleasure at all in the end, and everything you get, is anticipation and waiting. In that constellation waiting is probably the worst part. One fills their time with nonsense, to not be just waiting, and also to be able to drop whatever one is doing immediately.

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So what is it with people, who make you wait for them? And I don’t mean to wait for something special to happen, I mean to simply spent time with each other! I think, Coco Chanel was the one who said “Don’t spend time beating on a wall, hoping to transform it into a door. ” And I think, with people who make you wait, it is the same thing.

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For me, it ended in going to bed alone, and now, enjoying my afternoon tea, while I blog for you, and watch a movie with my brother. Because, HE doesn’t makes me wait.

Datenight

How to start, I always hates that part with texts. The middle is easy, beginning and ending.. my personal horror show. I could start tho, with the bees and the flowers… but that would be a bit too far streched out. So I will start with, girl meets boy. Girl likes boy, and boy seems to like girl. It felt like a hundred cups of coffee later, that boy, takes girl out on the first date.

So we did a little tour, all through the Sailors Cove South, starting at Mount Cooper, ending at Cooper Creek. We didn’t wanted it to end premature, so we took a hike. I was not so fond of a hike with flipflips, but he was a gentleman and helped out whenever it was neccessary.

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The first way took us to the dock in the north, where we grabbed a duo-kayak to paddle all through the small streams. At one point, we switched into a pedal boat, and had a great laugh, just until an aligator slided into the water just a few meters next to our little swan-boat.

Working hard to get my fill
Everybody wants a thrill
Payin’ anything to roll the dice
Just one more time
Some will win, some will lose
Some were born to sing the blues
Oh, the movie never ends
It goes on and on and on and on

~Don’t stop believing – Journey

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Finally the swan boat was passé and one of the walkways let us up to the butterfly house, to relax and have some cuddle time. But just a short while, because a zipline took us almost all the way down back to his Destino, to take us back home, where I stayed the night. Tell me, shall I keep him?

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Decisions…

This last week was hard, since I had to make some hard calls for me own peace. I found myself in a situation, in wich keep on going would have made me more sad and unhappy, as ending things for good, no matter how hard it is. It was one of those weeks, where I had to turn to myself, and search for my own feelings, and not keep on trying to make someone else happy.

Some would say how egoistic, but sometimes, being egoistic is the only thing that keeps us alive, or at least sane.. or better sane ish.

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I love sailing, wind sailing or using a motor boat, it can be both fun, and amazes me always. It makes me forget about all the stress, I just leave it at the shore, and don’t look back. Let the wind do the work, and not just freshening up my sails, but also my mood. I haven’t had that much lately, so I so have to change that!

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We do have some nice institutions in SL, made by players for other players. We have several Coast Guards, taking care of lost vehicles, lost persons on high sea, or simply to help out if someone has a question. Some do a lot more, some don’t but they are there for us. I was part of one of these Coast Guards for over 2,5 years, and always loyal. Even after the latest hick up, when most of the members left, Jasp and I stayed, wanted to help out, to get the party started, or in that case, to keep it going.

It is sad, if you don’t feel welcome anymore after all these years, and in the end, I jumped through all the hoops they tossed at me, I had to ask myself, do I really want this? I was in it for the RP, but there was no roleplay left, and on my last day, the Admiral told me, it was no RP group anymore. As sad as it was, as much as it hurts, I had to make a decision. So I left. An era is over, but I feel relieved.

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Jasp, to take my mind off of things, took me for a coffee afterwards, to the Brook Hill Airfield. It is an amazing nice place, with a very pretty Airport Cafe and Bar. So far the most prettiest airport I ever visited! So to everyone how loves flying in SL, go ahead and check it out. I for once will now go to my beach, stack my VCG uniforms and give them a nice burn. 🙂

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“It’s not hard to decide what you want your life to be about. What’s hard, she said, is figuring out what you’re willing to give up in order to do the things you really care about.”
― Shauna Niequist, Bittersweet: Thoughts on Change, Grace, and Learning the Hard Way

Relaxing…

For several reasons I was pretty worked up today, but a friend of mine knew it somehow and invited me to see her new winter retreat. The place is warm and beachy, and I got to wear my bikini in winter.

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Even better, I got a hug out of it, and an amazing, very relaxing time. Thank you Rita.