Little Tangencies

Here I am, trying to find a good subject to write about. Something deep. Something thoughtful. But you know what, there is nothing I want to write about. I am happy, and when I am happy, my brain is filled with happy thoughts, unicorns and rainbows. Ok maybe not that horrible, but close to.

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You might ask yourself, what the heck happened? Well you probably know that moment when you meet someone and everything just fits. And I don’t mean in a butterflies in the belly kind of situation. But someone who just seems to get you. Someone who keeps you on the toes and challenges you, without straining your nerves.

Thanks to Dakota, my dear sister, I met such a special someone. And we have had the luck to spend our day together. Lots of laughing, agreeing and understanding was going on. And even if we disagreed, we understood the point of view of each other.

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I use to get personal, so I will do that again here. I get easily bored by people. I think it is straining to act as if one is interested in something, just because the other one enjoys it. I get bored by people who don’t have their own mind, style or thoughts. It is so rare to meet someone who has their own opinion and sticks to it. Consequent… even if it means to follow the wrong path to the end. (Not that bad but you get the idea.)

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After lots of chatting yesterday, came more chatting, no “Wham, Bam, thank you Ma’am” but little tangencies, soft smiles and talking. But yes, I think it is the little things, to make a day special, and we spent a part of that special day, on my Sweet Pea, sailing the Blake Sea-Continent, finishing with the Galaxy. It was nothing big, nothing amazing but still.. special.

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Why I had to write this, I don’t know, somethings, just need to be said. So, thank you Thorim, for such a wonderful day and evening. – By the way, doesn’t he looks gorgeous?! ;-D

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Communication or Commu-NO-cation

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For me something weird happened. I don’t know who can relate, but I’ve heard several times, that I would be dominant. One time, someone even asked me directly, if I was a dominatrix. Thought that was hilarious, since I wore a white silk dress, with lace and my hair open. But that wasn’t what I was aiming at.

No, my question is, how get people the impression someone might be ‘dominant’ I will use that word a bit freely, as they did, to keep it easy. Can we say, a person is dominant, just because they are competent or have a certain grade of authority? Can we call a person dominant, just because they are confident and know what they want?

I have always struggled with labelling people like that, maybe one of the reasons why I struggle with people labelling me. From a psychologic point of view, it makes sense to label people, because we need those labels to understand the world, without getting crazy. It is a way our brains use to process information.

No how do I get to my headline? My question is, why so many people avoid so called ‘dominant’ persons. Why are they afraid of them? Do they feel insecure or weak next to them, to us?

Yesterday I had an interesting conversation with a rather new friend of mine, about exactly that subject. He brought up the thesis, that if someone has trouble to talk to people freely in Real Life, they will have the same issues in their Second Life. I was so bold to spin it a bit further and I think, that is gets even worse in SL. But why is that so?

This is me asking you, asking for your opinions and comments. Why are people afraid to talk to someone in Second Life. Dominant or not, why all that fear? One can look as hot as one wants. One sits in the safety of one’s own living room, bed room, or wherever else the PC or Mac is placed.

I do understand, we all take our fears with us, in one way or another. For me I can say, I am afraid of heights, of people in general, of insects and just about everything else one can imagine. But I have those fears irl. In Second Life I love skydiving, absolutely nothing would get me to jump out of a plane, well maybe if it’s crashing, and jumping would save my life… . Since I have my dog I am better with people, because I have to talk to strangers all the time. I love looking at spiders in game, don’t put one for real next to me.

And I don’t consider myself as special, I think I am pretty common. So what is it, making people not talk to others? Laziness? Weird situated shyness? Please fill me in, I am in deadly need of answers! But to end on a high note, without leaving you up high and dry in irons. Now and then, once in a while, I get lucky, and meet someone, who isn’t afraid of talking, and those people, make up for great conversations.

– A “disturbing” look into Xsenia’s thoughts

Ignorance, obscurantism and their fruits…

What can I say, I had lots to do in my real life, so the second life was cut a bit short, and with it all the friends I made there. It is sad, but it happens. What I want to write about today, is as old as the time, but still surprises me, whenever I am confronted with it.

Just to mention some points, people still seem to know nothing about. Persons who play PC-games are all nerds, have no real life, and never see the daylight. Persons who play games like Second Life have no real life, and no real friends…

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I don’t understand those stigmata. Nerds in general are simply people who are great with PCs and who do “nerdy” stuff like playing Pen and Paper games, doing roleplay and all sorts of those things. The Big Bang Theory is a perfect show off for that “stigmata”.

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The second one is the stigmata Second Life. I for once have friends all over the world. I can’t jump on a plane every weekend and fly to Australia to meet one of my dearest friends. Hence, we can use Second Life to get some sort of feeling to be close with each other and to spent our time together. The same goes for my best friend in real life. She lives in Ulm while I live close to Berlin. We have met several times over the years, and we are simply soulmates, we have known it from the first moment, and we managed it through all the easy and rough waters, a relationship can offer.

But with the distance it becomes hard to feel close, and again, Second Life helps with that. Who hasn’t felt lonely, and better, once another avatar hugs yours? Sitting with her at my place, chatting on the couch and snuggling as friends, sweetens up my weekends, since we both have less and less time with our busy real lifes.

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What I am aiming at with this article, is not pointing fingers, but hoping to spread the word, and to educate those, who might not know it yet, or who have troubles to understand. Because just being a nerd, or playing SL, doesn’t mean one has no life… it actually can mean one has a very rich life, with more friends, as time on our hands.

Chocolate and Auctions

Today I want to talk about two totally different and unrelated things, but I can’t help it, because for me they somehow mixed. I got confronted today with land-auctions in Second Life. A close friend of me, wanted to get the abandoned land next to my place, so we can be neighbors again.She informed Linden Labs and LL said thank you and set it up for auction. Since she had a late shift today, I was the one who had to deal with the actual bidding war. My nerves are blank now and totally raw. I was shaking like a leaf and so freaking nervous, that I had troubles to manage my mouse, since these things are online, like eBay. And I HATE eBay and would never use it, if it weren’t for the immediately-buy-button.

After four long hours of sweating, shivering and being a nervous wrack, I managed to get her the land with a super high bid in the last second. So YAY!

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As amazing this moment was, as depressing it is, when you realise with whom you wanna share it, and that this someone doesn’t seem to want to talk with you or to spent time with you. It is a rather dull realisation, when you see, that the one you are dating, the one you haven’t seen in a couple of days, that this one, does rather something else, then to spent his time with you. My solution was chocolate. It is always there for me, and it never lets me wait!

Waiting Time

What is it about time? We feel we have not enough. It goes by slowly or super fast, sometimes it is as if it stands still. Time is a construct we made up, to measure the circles the earth makes around the sun. The weird thing is, that time is endless even though sometimes it is short.

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This week, for me, it was both at the same time. All day long, time was slow, standing still, and when the time came, to meet someone, it was over, and more than ones, before it even begun.

People often say, the anticipation is half the pleasure, but what, if there is no pleasure at all in the end, and everything you get, is anticipation and waiting. In that constellation waiting is probably the worst part. One fills their time with nonsense, to not be just waiting, and also to be able to drop whatever one is doing immediately.

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So what is it with people, who make you wait for them? And I don’t mean to wait for something special to happen, I mean to simply spent time with each other! I think, Coco Chanel was the one who said “Don’t spend time beating on a wall, hoping to transform it into a door. ” And I think, with people who make you wait, it is the same thing.

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For me, it ended in going to bed alone, and now, enjoying my afternoon tea, while I blog for you, and watch a movie with my brother. Because, HE doesn’t makes me wait.

Datenight

How to start, I always hates that part with texts. The middle is easy, beginning and ending.. my personal horror show. I could start tho, with the bees and the flowers… but that would be a bit too far streched out. So I will start with, girl meets boy. Girl likes boy, and boy seems to like girl. It felt like a hundred cups of coffee later, that boy, takes girl out on the first date.

So we did a little tour, all through the Sailors Cove South, starting at Mount Cooper, ending at Cooper Creek. We didn’t wanted it to end premature, so we took a hike. I was not so fond of a hike with flipflips, but he was a gentleman and helped out whenever it was neccessary.

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The first way took us to the dock in the north, where we grabbed a duo-kayak to paddle all through the small streams. At one point, we switched into a pedal boat, and had a great laugh, just until an aligator slided into the water just a few meters next to our little swan-boat.

Working hard to get my fill
Everybody wants a thrill
Payin’ anything to roll the dice
Just one more time
Some will win, some will lose
Some were born to sing the blues
Oh, the movie never ends
It goes on and on and on and on

~Don’t stop believing – Journey

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Finally the swan boat was passé and one of the walkways let us up to the butterfly house, to relax and have some cuddle time. But just a short while, because a zipline took us almost all the way down back to his Destino, to take us back home, where I stayed the night. Tell me, shall I keep him?

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Decisions…

This last week was hard, since I had to make some hard calls for me own peace. I found myself in a situation, in wich keep on going would have made me more sad and unhappy, as ending things for good, no matter how hard it is. It was one of those weeks, where I had to turn to myself, and search for my own feelings, and not keep on trying to make someone else happy.

Some would say how egoistic, but sometimes, being egoistic is the only thing that keeps us alive, or at least sane.. or better sane ish.

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I love sailing, wind sailing or using a motor boat, it can be both fun, and amazes me always. It makes me forget about all the stress, I just leave it at the shore, and don’t look back. Let the wind do the work, and not just freshening up my sails, but also my mood. I haven’t had that much lately, so I so have to change that!

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We do have some nice institutions in SL, made by players for other players. We have several Coast Guards, taking care of lost vehicles, lost persons on high sea, or simply to help out if someone has a question. Some do a lot more, some don’t but they are there for us. I was part of one of these Coast Guards for over 2,5 years, and always loyal. Even after the latest hick up, when most of the members left, Jasp and I stayed, wanted to help out, to get the party started, or in that case, to keep it going.

It is sad, if you don’t feel welcome anymore after all these years, and in the end, I jumped through all the hoops they tossed at me, I had to ask myself, do I really want this? I was in it for the RP, but there was no roleplay left, and on my last day, the Admiral told me, it was no RP group anymore. As sad as it was, as much as it hurts, I had to make a decision. So I left. An era is over, but I feel relieved.

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Jasp, to take my mind off of things, took me for a coffee afterwards, to the Brook Hill Airfield. It is an amazing nice place, with a very pretty Airport Cafe and Bar. So far the most prettiest airport I ever visited! So to everyone how loves flying in SL, go ahead and check it out. I for once will now go to my beach, stack my VCG uniforms and give them a nice burn. 🙂

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“It’s not hard to decide what you want your life to be about. What’s hard, she said, is figuring out what you’re willing to give up in order to do the things you really care about.”
― Shauna Niequist, Bittersweet: Thoughts on Change, Grace, and Learning the Hard Way