I really need to vent, I tried to swallow what happens but.. it just.. burns inside of me like a fire.. and keeps hurting me even more. Why do some men are just pigs? I Would love to just tell you his name, and scream blue murder. But I can’t, because I don’t want to be a bitch…
I think I need to explain myself, my anger and my frustration. To do this, I will start at the beginning. Last year I met a guy, fell hard for him and I fell fast, in a way I never thought it would be possible. He said all the right things, and pushed all the right buttons. I don’t need to mention that the sex was awesome. But.. there is always a but, you know that .. it as too good to be true. He was too perfect.. while the time passed by, he had more lat RL meetings, less time online… but when he was there… he was amazing and sweet and.. perfect again.
We became not just lovers but friends.. it felt like a real partnership. And he asked me for.. having a baby with him. I mean we are still talking SecondLife here, and many of you will shrug this one-off. But, I already have a kid in SL and I didn’t had a 4 weeks pregnancy. I was in there for the long run, the full 9 month. And after that, I had a baby, and not just for a week, but a “real” one, which is now impersonated by a real human being playing a kids avatar. Tho – something like this actually means a lot to me!
He asked me anyways.. if we can have a baby together, and I agreed. Damn how blind and stupid I was… all dazzled up in love. He had me wrapped around his finger, pretty tight. But.. after he got me pregnant.. he came on more rare. I saw him once a week, often less. But he came on for the appointments with the doc.
While we were in this relationship I grew lonely more and more. And my heart broke.. piece by piece just missing him. And while this happens, my senses started sharpening. Most of you probably know this.. when you see connections.. you never saw before. Or when you just know something is off the rails… that’s exactly what happened to me.
I realized how odd it was, that he NEVER wanted to use voice chat with me. I realized how odd it was, that we never fought, that he always had a perfect answer, and that his so-called emergencies were always things, I never could have been mad with him.
I mean seriously, boys and girls, …. how stupid can someone be not see something like this. But in that moment, you want to believe, because you love and want to love and want to be loved. You want that this perfect relationship you see, is not just an imagination. Even if it becomes more clear every day, that it was too good to be true.
Christmas last year… was the date when I saw him for the last time. he knew I was all alone, even iRL.. he promised spending time with me, but like always he broke his promise. In January … on the day for the 5th month appointment, he broke up with me, by email. Said he met some chick iRL, and that she wont understand him “playing” Second Life, and .. now you can laugh .. that he enjoyed the time with me and that we can stay friends. He wants to talk to me now and then. (Right now, I am pretty sure, he put me on spam right after sending this mail.)
I never saw him again. You might ask yourself, why I start venting now?! Because he logged back in two weeks ago. But not to talk to me or something, he deleted me and all of my family from his friend list, left all the groups, and probably hopes I just forget about what happened. But no one of us did. That bastard broke my heart.. for real. I still have bad trust issues, because of him.
Now I can actually see you shaking your heads, how stupid I could be, and that it’s just a game. Or that it was my fault being so blind, not seeing him for the player he was. And here, why am I venting now? Why do I need to blow off steam? I need it, because he has a new girlfriend already. And probably uses the same tour he used with me, and with his woman before me… I helped him, to get his avatar modern, with mesh.. and body parts made from mesh … and he used me like a condom and threw me away.
Back in January… I decided to end my pregnancy, even if it was late to do it, but it hurt too much, and here I say, god bless it was “just” Second Life. But my heart still bleeds.. when I think about what I had to do …
I’d like to tell all of you, be more carefull, but.. enjoy your love, if you found it. Because. better to have loved and lost, then never felt love at all.
All I can say now, thank you to my friends, who always had been there for me, no matter what shook me up. (Especially the two Sweethearts on the pic!) And to all of you, who have a friend, and she just met someone.. look after her. And If you know a Gabriella.. and she just met someone.. one or two weeks ago … and if that someone was a black dude (not much of them in SL) … just show her this post, so she knows .. what she is getting into it.
Because.. honestly, I wish you all the best, and that you are the one taming this panther.