My posts are usually funny and happy, but this time, it’s no adventure that moves me, but something I try to process for a little while now. So I ask you, when is enough really enough? When should be the moment that you say, I can’t take it any longer? I can’t do this any longer. No, you’ve done enough, or too less?! A close friend told me once:
>>Don’t make someone your priority, if you are just their option!<<
How should courtship work these days? Am I too young with a too old soul? Was I supposed to .. just life 100 years ago? Is it normal, that one half of the male population, just sees your pussy, and the other half, doesn’t even realise you have one? Have I to just swallow, that work always comes first, and I am supposed to feel like an unwanted but needed appointment at the dentist?
Lately I feel ripped apart in two directions. One half of me is all understanding, because work is important, and the other half feels always rejected, even hated for taking the time off of work, taking the focus off of work. My heart is torn, between reality and fiction. Fiction you can read in so many books, fiction you start to believe is the life of your married and loving friends.
Am I supposed to feel alone? To always stand on the outside and press my nose against the window, gazing at something I never will have? Sometimes, just like today, I just want to crawl into my bed, ball up and cry untill my tears run out … but then.. why should I? If they hurt me, do they deserve that I lose myself in tears?
Tho, when is enough really enough?
I for once think, when I start writing such blog posts. When I feel like crawling into bed, to ball up. When I am starting feel lonely as shit, while I am supposed to be happy with someone.
It may sound weird, but i don’t understand these times. Men and woman seem to be further appart then ever before in the history of our lovely planet. It is, as if the emancipation totally went into the wrong way. We were supposed to be equalls but instead of reaching this goal, we demancipated the men – and now all the woman are wondering where their knight in shining armor is.
Now after writing all these lines, my head starts feeling lighter again, and the chain around my heart, that is leaving me freezing, seems to losen a bit. I .. will stick with hope, to leed me to my destiny.